Thoughts

I haven't blogged in ages.

I just randomly decided to go have a look at this old blog just to see what, I assume, very interesting stuff I talked about about way back when. I did talk about a lot of twaddle, in a very long, annoying kind of way, and I do apologise for the embarrassment of a human I was back then. This post will undoubtedly be an equally long amount of twaddle, but hopefully in a less annoying tone.

I'm hoping that posting on this blog I haven't used for years will mean no one will see this. You might think it strange posting something I want private on a platform where people can see it, but let me explain.

I have this need to type out everything that goes on inside my head as a sort of cathartic way of dealing with things. I am very good at this, I have drafted posts on this blog, Tumblr and Twitter, of things I want to talk about but don't have the guts to actually make public. However, this way of getting things out of my system by typing it out and then saving it as a draft, leaves me with a hole in the healing process, whereby I feel as if I haven't actually got anything out because no one is able to see it. I have managed to articulate my thoughts into a text post, but not actually got the problem away from me, as it's still only in my orbit, where only I can see it.

Conversely, I absolutely hate talking about myself in a public domain, whether that be real life or online. I hate that I should be the centre of attention. Every time I talk about myself I feel like I have to counteract that injustice by asking about the other person's life, and forcing them to talk about themselves for a while. This leads me to not be able to use my Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Blog, ect, to their full potential, since I don't want to post anything solely about me. I want to be able to use all my social media to post everything personal and get it out of my system, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I type out the longest posts saying everything, explaining the deepest, most intricate workings of my mind, to just, as always, save it as a draft.

But I'm going to break that pattern now, in the most inconspicuous way I can think of. By posting on a blog that no one will every look at again, I hope.

I have just been thinking about the things I want to talk about. I want to post this as one post, so I guess I need to collect everything.

I suppose this thing I should start with is how I have just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. If anyone who knows me in real life does find this, you are either shocked, or you just think, well that explains a lot.

For ages now I have been feeling basically just numb all the time. The best way I can describe it is that numb and feeling sad are just like my default emotions, if anything good happens, then I feel happier for brief time, and then I sink right back to just feeling empty. On the other hand, if something bad happens, I just get even more sad and feel terrible.

I have been feeling suicidal and self harming for ages as well, when bad things happen, I just want to give up and end it all and stop all the worry and hurt and feeling trapped. The suicidal bit happens when I just feel like I want everything to be over, like there's no way out of the situation. The self harming bit happens when I just feel really, really bad, when enough little bad things have happened in one day that I just want to sit and cry forever. Self harming for me is like the ultimatum of feeling sorry for yourself, and it feels so good to get my anger, frustration, sadness out and punish myself for being like this, and just lose myself in the feeling and just, it's so hard to describe why I self harm, when it's happening, I'm just not thinking clearly. I don't want to tall anyone how I'm feeling because they will just try to get me not to do it, but when I want to self harm, it's all I want to do, I don't want someone to talk me out of it, I don't think it's that bad that I self harm, it doesn't affect anyone else, I don't hurt anyone else, I wear a bandage to cover it up, why is so bad, why can't I just do it.

If I can use the word, luckily for me, the chances are I will never actually go through with killing myself. I can't swallow pills, so I can't just overdose on medication, and I can't think of another way to do it that won't hurt like hell. I imagine overdosing does hurt eventually, but not straight away like stabbing or drowning yourself.

This whole thing has been going on for as long as I can remember. I used to feel suicidal about once a week, although not as much now. I used to self harm by scratching at the inside of my arms, because that used to hurt, but it didn't leave a lasting mark. That way, no one ever had to find out about it, and I didn't have to burden anyone with my problems.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was visiting my Nan for a few days, and one evening my manager, who I am very good friends with, sent me a message. I thought he said he was going to give me a weeks holiday, through no choice of my own, starting Sunday, so that someone else would have more shifts, and I messaged him back telling him how unfair it was and saying about how he couldn't just give me holiday to give someone else more shifts, and stuff like that. After a while it transpired that he had actually just said he would be giving me a Sunday on then a Sunday off, on alternate weeks. This was fine with me, but apparently I had already offended my manager, beyond repair. I tried to say I was sorry, but I still really have no idea what I actually did wrong. He never actually told me exactly what I had said that was so bad. He kept saying he didn't want to be friends with me anymore, and that he was going to stop talking to me, but every time he said he was done talking, I was half way through typing something, which I would then send, trying to win him back. He would then respond, even though he said he wasn't going to, and we would keep talking. Finally he said something, and he asked me not to respond, which I didn't. At this point I was feeling really bad, I wanted to kill myself or at least hurt myself, I was shaking so hard, it was horrible. I didn't want to say anything to him about it when we were talking, because I didn't want to guilt trip him into being friends with me. I was scratching at my forehead with my left hand when I wasn't using both my hand to talk to him, until he told me not to respond. Then I knew I needed to talk to someone, to keep my hands active so I wouldn't scratch at my arms, for fear of leaving a mark, which was going to happen eventually if I scratched too hard for too long. I didn't want my Nan to find out, I was terrified. I came out of the chat with him, and went straight into the chat with someone else from work, and messaged him, on the off chance he might be awake. This was all happening in the early hours of the morning, so of course he was asleep. Not a second after I had finished messaging the other person from work, to no reply, my manager messaged me again asking me not to tell anyone about our argument. I was honest and said I had already told someone else from work, but I hadn't said what the argument was about. Then I just broke down and told him I just needed someone to talk to because I wanted to kill myself, and I told him everything. He said I needed help, and it dawned on me for the first time that it's not normal to want to kill yourself and hurt yourself on a regular basis. I promised I would phone for a doctor's appointment as soon as I was home and had 5 minutes to myself. We reconciled our friendship, and he apologised for being mean to me as well, and I said I was sorry a million times, still in the dark about what I had done wrong.

So we were back as friends again, and now I'm on the road to getting better. I rang the doctor's out the back of where I work, where no one could hear me. I arranged to ring Monday morning to get an appointment on the same day. I rang up at 8:30 and got an appointment for 10am. I showed up at the doctor's at 10am exactly, and missed my appointment, not that anyone told me. I sat and waited for 2 hours, and asked at the desk 3 times, to be told 3 different things about what was going on. The first was that I would be seen next, which I wasn't. I watched as a lady walked in, went to the desk, and was told she would be seen as soon as a Doctor was free. I then watched as my doctor came out and called for the lady. I was then just told to just keep waiting. I watched my doctor walk out of the building in her coat, presumably not to return for quite some time. I then asked at the desk for the third and final time, where this new, third receptionist went and found any female doctor who was free, and I had a very quick appointment, before the doctor left on a home visit. I said what was wrong, she asked me a few questions, and then she gave me a leaflet about a therapy service, to which I could self refer.

I left the doctor's and drove to the nearest McDonalds with a car park, had some lunch, and then sat in my car while I rang the therapy people. They asked me a few basic questions, and said someone would call back within a day or two. A day or two went by and still no one had called me. I rang them back, and they said someone would call me the next day. I was back working now for the next 5 days, so I told them if they call me it would have to be after 5. The next day, my phone rang twice during my day at work, both times with an unknown number. I thought it was probably the therapy people, but hoped it wasn't since I had said they would only be able to call after 5.

I waited around at work for about 15 minutes after I finished at 5, because I didn't want them to call while I was cycling home. I gave up waiting though, and started cycling anyway, thinking I could just stop, and find somewhere quiet quickly if need be. Half way I realised that this phone call was not one I wanted to make at home, since my family had no idea about this whole thing. I stopped at the One Stop near my house, locked my bike up, and started walking aimlessly around the area waiting for my phone to ring. I messaged my Mum, who did know about it, and said about how I was just waiting for them to call, She said I should just call them and ask what is happening, which I did. The lady who answered said that they had tried to call earlier, before 5, to tell me they couldn't call after 5. Ridiculous. Why the hell would you try calling before 5 to tell me you couldn't call after 5, when the whole point of calling after 5 was because I couldn't answer my phone before 5.

Anyway, they called back the next day when I finished work at 4, and I sat out the back and finally did the phone call. It took about half an hour, but I got to explain everything, and 2 tests were done to find out what I might have. One was done for depression and one for anxiety. At the end she said I have high signs of depression and moderate signs of anxiety. The two apparently go hand in hand, so it is no surprise I have a dash of anxiety to go with my depression. The lady did say the tests are not an actual diagnosis, so I guess to say I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety is actually false, but it's easier to say like that. I would be very surprised if I got a proper diagnosis and it was something different, because high signs of depression and moderate of anxiety does sound correct.

There are two levels of treatment they provide, level 2 and 3. Level 2 is for new problems, that are not inset, and is treatment done over the phone. Level 3 is for long term problems, and people who have already undergone treatment, and is done in person. The nurse was on the fence about which level I needed since, like I said, this has been going on for as long as I can remember. She said they would call back the next day with a decision.

They did call back the next day, and I will be getting level 2 treatment. I like to think maybe it is more sensible to start off with the lesser treatment, because if that works there is no need to go out to them for treatment in person. At the moment I am waiting for them to call me back with a time slot for me to have the therapy sessions. They said they would get back to me within 4 weeks, and we are just coming up to 4 weeks now. They did say it might take a bit longer to find me a time slot since I have such limited availability, with my full time job.

So for now I just keep waiting. I don't feel like I am at any high risk, so I guess I shouldn't mind waiting. I mean, now that it is out in the open that I self harm, I've started using something sharp to do it, which does leave a mark, which is more satisfying than just scratching. It means that I now have to wear a bandage when I'm at work, and out and about. The bandage means I finally had to tell Dad what's going on. It was getting really annoying wearing long sleeved clothes around the house all the time, so the bandage was the perfect way for him to notice it.

I am glad I told him, because he had to find out at some point, so I had to tell him, and it's good he knows, cause then he can help, and talking to him about it has helped. Annoyingly though, he doesn't think I have depression. He thinks there has just been enough bad stuff that's happened to me that it just makes me sad. In reality, I'm don't get sad all the time because I'm thinking about stuff that happened in the past, I get sad for no reason. That's what depression is, being sad for no reason. A lot of the time I feel like crying for literally no reason, and if I'm on my own, I will just cry for no reason. It's not just things that have happened to me making me sad, it's just depression. The sooner the therapy people get back to me, the sooner I can tell them about what Dad has said, and they can say for sure if he's right, or if I actually do have depression. I mean, I know I have depression, it would just be nice for them to confirm it once and for all.

Is there any thing else I wanna talk about...

By the way, I'm amazed I was able to talk so openly about self harming, feeling suicidal and depression just then, well done myself.

But, yeah, anything else...

I can drive now, that's new. I mentioned it earlier, but yeah, I got a car in March, and I can drive myself about now, it's great!

I've also applied and got a place on the MA Fine Art course at my university, so I'm going back in September, which is the main reason I finally got myself a car. So excited to get back into that environment, the atmosphere at university is great. Little bit worried about having to leave stupidly early in the morning so I can get a parking space, but beyond that, it will be great! Might tell the head of the programme about my depression and anxiety though, might make life easier for everyone.

I'm about to bleach my hair for the second time so I can dye it orange! We are doing the second bleaching tomorrow, so that should be good, so long as my hair doesn't fall out.

I have tickets to see Eddie Izzard on 25th May, and Adam Ant 27th May, so I have those two to look forward too!

That brings me nicely along to something else I should talk about while I'm here. There's no point beating about the bush now I feel like I can talk freely. I have known for a while that I am transgender, I haven't felt like a girl in ages. I would say I'm agender, I don't really like the idea of having to conform to a gender identity, so I guess I'm just outside the spectrum. I have a chest binder to help give me a flat chest, and it works to an extent. I have rather large boobs. not boasting, I hate them, they can fall off for all I care, so it makes it hard to bind completely. Even with the binder, I'm still not flat, so I wear shirts that hide it as much as possible.

Knowing I am transgender is one thing, but coming out and telling everyone is another. I have told, so far, my Mum, my two best friends, and anyone who reads this. I would like to think I might get the courage to tell everyone someday, but I feel like it won't be any time soon. I'm still no good at passing as anything other than a girl, so it's difficult. In reality I should just tell everyone I'm agender and my preferred pronouns are they/them, and that should be enough, but I feel like I have to dress as though I don't have a gender. It's especially difficult since I have a full time job where I can't wear my binder. Wearing it 5 days a week for about 9 hours at a time would be really bad for me, so I can only wear it when I'm out and about with friends and such. I always seem to find some stupid excuse not to wear it as well, which always annoys me after the event. If I have to drive somewhere I always think, what if I suddenly can't breathe and I can't pull over to find somewhere to take it off? In reality, I can breathe just fine in my binder, it only starts to get a bit tight if I wear it for too many hours at a time. For some stupid reason I always think, but I have such big boobs, maybe I should be making the most of them while I still don't feel too weird about them. I really need to just get into the right mindset and realise I'm happier wearing my binder and being agender, and I should just do what makes me happy, and stop trying to be something I'm not.

There's also the stupidest thing that makes me want to not wear my binder, it's so stupid, but it's the main reason I don't wear it to work or when I'm out. There's this guy at work that I really like, and I mean really like, I love him so much it's unreal. We were kind of together for a week at one point, nothing serious, then he didn't like me anymore and now we are just friends. I still really love him of course because it wasn't me who didn't want us to be together. I know full well that we will never be together, but I still try so hard to impress him, and part of this is what makes me want to not wear my binder when I'm around him, which is more often than not. Told you it was stupid. I know he is not going to suddenly notice I have boobs one day and want to get back together, but I still try. So stupid. We talked about it one time, and I actually told him that I'm not a girl, and I was saying about how I always tried to act like a girl to get him to like me, and he said he would never want me to pretend to be someone I'm not, and yet I still won't wear my binder around him. Maybe typing this out and realising how stupid it all is might make me change. I keep remembering how comfortable I felt wearing my binder before, I need to get back to that.

I don't even have to come out to everyone that I'm agender, I can tell who I like, and equally not tell who I like. I can just dress how I like, and be comfortable in myself, that's all I really want. Might just have to deal with people misgendering me. It still annoys me at work that customers will refer to male employees as "mate" and refer to me as "love". I absolutely hate that.

Is there anything else happening in my life I want to talk about...

I have just booked myself a holiday, which I desperately need. I really want a holiday on my own, I need time away from everyone. Dad thinks, and I think, it's a bad idea for me to go on holiday on my own in a different country, so I have booked hotels in Salisbury, Bath and Wookey Hole for two nights each, so I'm basically going on a little road trip around England. It should be really lovely, I can't wait! Part of me wants to take loads of photos while I'm there and post them all to Facebook, since that's normally what I would do, but maybe I should just not use my phone for the week and have a holiday away from everything. I'm still undecided.

One more thing I can think of to talk about. When I start driving myself to university everyday, I will be in the car for about 2 hours a day, with nothing to do, and effectively wasting time. It will be less time wasted than when I took the train and lost 3-4 hours a day, but it will still be lost time none the less. I was thinking, maybe I could film myself talking while I'm in the car. I can still drive just fine if I find somewhere to put the camera, and it might be a good way to collect my thoughts. I need to do these cathartic out bursts every now and again, and I normally do it by typing out these great big long things, but maybe I could do it while driving. I could get everything out of my system and get myself to university. In the morning on the way there I could organise myself for the day and talk about what I want to get done, and then on the way back, and I can talk about what I actually got done, and how my day went. I can talk about all other kinds of things as well as that, but it might just be good for me to talk everyday. I probably wouldn't even upload the videos anywhere, unless it turns out I'm hilarious while in the car, or if they prove to be useful towards my degree.

I know someone who makes videos and puts them on YouTube all the time, I've always thought maybe I could do that, so this might be my way of doing that. She is one of the people who might actually see this. Hello, if you do! Sorry I haven't spoken to you in years. I'm such a bad friend, I never talk to anyone, so it's not just you. Now I realise my not wanting to talk to anyone is probably a result of my depression, I just like being on my own, I never get lonely, I'm definitely introverted, I get so much energy being on my own. Basically I'm sorry I never talk to you. If I was a little bit braver I would just message you out of the blue and explain all about how I'm sorry I never talk to you, it's just awkward to talk to someone after so long, so you don't talk to them, but then the longer you don't talk the more awkward it gets, until the awkwardness reaches it's peak and you realise you might never be able to talk to them again, and there's nothing you can do. I always thought I was bringing you down anyway, and I thought you would be better off without me, so I thought it was for the best when you didn't have to see me anymore. I see stuff everywhere about how you should get rid of toxic people in your life, and I thought I was a toxic person in your life. Hopefully you will never see this, hopefully no one will ever see this.

There are so many people in my Facebook friends list I would love to get back into contact with. There are so many people I met a few times ages ago, and I see them now, and I think they are so good looking, and I wish they were the kind of people I could message and be like, "I haven't spoken to you in so long, sorry, how are you?", but I never really became proper friends with these people, so it would just be weird. The kind of people you meet once, and add them on Facebook out of common courtesy, and then you see them maybe twice after that, and then you never see them again, except you see them doing stuff on Facebook all the time, so you totally know everything that's going on in their life, but you never talk to them. Those kinds of people. There's maybe about 6 people on my Facebook friends list that I would totally like to get back into contact with because I think they are good looking. It's a really shallow reason to message someone out of the blue though, so it's pretty pathetic really.

There's three people I want to message out of the blue for another reason besides the fact I think they are good looking. Three people on my Facebook have come out as transgender, and I want to message them and talk about it so we could maybe support each other, I keep thinking how I would love it if I actually came out as transgender and people messaged me saying they wanted to support me, so I always thought it might be a nice thing to do, if I had the courage, and if it wasn't so awkward talking to these people out of no where.

I remember there was a time I had a crush on someone, and they would do live streaming of them playing video games, and only people they knew personally would watch them, and a few friends and I were watching one day, so I had signed into the site it was on, and it meant it would sign me in automatically and show my name when I was watching. The second day they live streamed my friends and I weren't watching, but I noticed the live stream and clicked on it because I had a crush on this person so I wanted to watch, but like we weren't super good friends, so like it would be weird if I was watching without my other friends. I clicked on the live stream, and of course my name came up that I was watching. Only one other person was watching, so they were just there having a chat, and then the person I had a crush on noticed I was there and was like super confused like, "Sarah's watching?" and I was so embarrassed. I made some stupid excuse like "I just wanted to see what game you were playing, but I'm off for dinner now, bye!" it was so cringeworthy. This is what I'm talking about, talking to people you are not really friends with.

I have always wanted to have a cull of my Facebook friends, I feel like I can't post anything on Facebook because there are so many people who I don't want to show some things, like family and people I don't really know that well, but if I did have a cull I would end up leaving these people I have crushes on, and it would seem strange. I always worry that someone will notice I have deleted them as well, that really would be awkward.

Since I still love this guy at work so much, it makes me realise I will only stop crushing on him when one of us leaves work, if I start properly crushing on someone else, or maybe even get into a relationship, although I can't see that happening. So I don't think of it as such a bad thing that I have these crushes, maybe it will make me stop crushing on the guy from work.

I think that's about everything I wanted to get off my chest. Who knows, if it turns out no one can see what I post here, I might use this as somewhere to talk more often. I might even copy across some of my drafts from Tumblr and put them here. I might even get really brave and post an edited version of this to Tumblr where slightly more people can see it. I might even go so far as publishing some of my drafts to Tumblr. Who knows, this might be the start of me being more open on the internet.

The Tate Modern

Helloo once again wonderful people! :-D

Soooooo, on Monday I went to the Tate Modern with my Art class!! :-D And I thought I would blog about the day as I did with the Natural History Museum! XD I can tell you are excited! XD

Like last time, I got up at stupid o'clock (5:30) and attempted to make myself presentable until 7:20 when I left. I actually left late, but it was fine, I just ran part of the way, and then got there early. -.-

So, yes, I got on the train at 8:00, which was busy, but not as bad as last time, and trundled along to college. :-) I arrived at 8:20, as expected, and actually didn't get lost on the way from the train station to college this time! :-D I was rather proud, despite the fact I had a bit of help from Google Maps. XD

After a while of standing about, we boarded the coach and set off! :-D We drove basically the same way we went last time; we stopped at Fleet (and went to Waitrose again XD) and then carried on to London where we went past some of the stuff we saw last time, like the giant car dealers where the cars were displayed on separate floors of the buildings. XD It was pretty cool! :-) I thought we were going to drive past the 3D Mario advert again so I was going to take a photograph of it, but they had taken it down and replaced it with a Sky advert :-( At least this advert featured Harry Potter! :-D We saw another giant advert for Harry Potter, which a lot of people pointed out and started to talk about. :-P Oh, yeah, and Milli told me about the Harry Potter section in Harrods, which she has been to and I haven't, which made me very jealous and excited at the same time. XD

Anyway, this time we were going to a different part of London which involved driving past THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT AND BIG BEN!!!!! XD It was so amazing! I hadn't seen the Houses of Parliament or Big Ben in ages! XD Either after this or during we also drove along THE RIVER THAMES!!! XD It was so nice, and huge! :-D There were loads of bridges going across it, which my friends and I all tried to take photographs of. :3 I failed miserably, there was always a van in the way ... :-L

We kept driving along the Thames, caught a glimpse of the London Eye along the way, and then arrived at our destination! :-D We jumped of the coach and walked 10 minutes down the road to the Tate! XD I have to admit, the outside wasn't that amazing, and the inside bit we first saw wasn't awe-inspiring or anything, even though it was nice :-P It's all right though, the rest was amazing!! XD

We first were allowed to go off for 15 minutes, to 'clean ourselves up' and then we met back again to be told when to meet back later and blah, blah, blah ...

Then we went off to do a 'workshop'. :-P I put 'workshop' in inverted commas because I was under the impression the workshop would actually involve doing some art work, but it turned out to just be some guy walking us round and talking to us about a few paintings. :-L It was nice and interesting, I was just disappointed when he then walked off at the end and we found we weren't actually doing any art work at all. -.-

After the 'workshop' we were allowed to go off on our own. :-D I had already seen a painting by Robert Delaunay, an artist who inspired Franz Marc, the artist I am studying, so I was all happy chappy. XD I took a few photos of the painting and the text about it and was just about to move on when my teacher noticed this girl standing behind me, being awkward, asked her if she was all right, and then suggested she look around with me. -.- Thanks. I was quite happy to look around by myself, but no -.- I mean, she was nice, but it was really awkward :-L

We went off to look about and explored two areas, which were brilliant, and then she suggested we have lunch. :-) Now, I was under the impression we were meeting back with everyone at 3:30, so we still had an hour left to look about, but I was wrong, we were actually meeting at 3:00. So, we found a table and sat down to have lunch. :-) I finished in about 10 minutes, but Emily kept talking so much she spent half an hour eating her minuscule lunch. -.- I didn't mind too much, because I still thought we had half an hour left to look about, so we left our table, I brought a map and suggested we go to floor three or something. :-) However, she started acting very strange and suddenly decided to ring our teacher, which was weird, but then I remembered we were actually meeting at 3:00, and it was now 3:00!! D-: This annoyed me because she clearly knew we were meeting with them at 3:00, so why, every time I said we were meeting at 3:30, had she not corrected me?

Anyway, I knew the way to where we were meeting them so I tried to get us to leave but she was on her phone waiting for the teacher to answer, which she didn't, and when she finally started to walk she was going really slowly despite the fact I was rushing ahead. -.-

I apologised repeatedly when we finally got back, but she just wandered along behind me. -.- I went over to  my friends to walk with them but somehow, I can't remember, I ended up walking back to the coach with Emily. -.- She kept going on about Family Guy, a show which I hate that she had been going on about before. -.- (Wow, I have used that emoticon a lot recently. XP)

When we were getting close to where we were meeting the coach I lost her as we crossed over the road and stayed with my other friends after that. XD However, when we got on the coach I ended up sitting with her. -.- It was all right at first, we chatted about random stuff, and then she decided to do some drawing. She drew some amazing stuff, and actually managed to get me to copy some character she had drawn from Family Guy. My attempt was awful, but then again I didn't actually care. XD After a while I didn't really want to talk any more, so I would pretend to fall asleep, but she kept saying stuff to me. -.- It was pretty annoying because she would say the most random stuff that I didn't know how to respond to, so I would just stutter and repeat myself. XD

What made it even worse was that we arrived back 15 minutes later than expected, giving me 15 minutes to get to the train station which is a 20 minute walk away. -.- I literally ran most of the way, which was hard with my sketch book and bag, and arrive at the station ONE MINUTE AFTER THE TRAIN LEFT!! -.- Seriously, I was walking INTO the station as the people who had just got off the train were coming OUT. -.- This annoyed me greatly as it meant I then had to wait AN HOUR for the next train to arrive!! D-: It was really cold and I was only wearing my jacket and scarf, my headphones had broken on the way to London so I had no music, and I was alone. :'-( I was forced to listen to my music through the loud speaker in my phone, which was fine until someone else arrived in the station, at which point I had to turn it off as to not annoy them. -.- So I sat there for all eternity until the moment of utter relief when the voice from nowhere announced the train was 'now approaching the platform'!!! XD YES!!! XD So, I got on the train, arrived at the station after 20 minutes and then tootled home. :-D I was so desperate to get home I ran part of the way, but gave up because I am lazy. XD

So I arrived home at about 8 o'clock. :-P It was pretty late, but I had a nice day in London! XD

I do realise much of this has been me complaining about all the stuff which went wrong, for which I do apologise. :-P

I'm also sorry this has been posted so far after the actual day, but I was kind of busy with a MOUNTAIN of homework. XD

Oh yeah, and my Dad and I just watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two. :'-) I couldn't stop crying throughout the whole thing! It's so amazing, but so sad!! :'-) I LOVE HARRY POTTER AND IT IS NOT OVER!!! I SHALL FILL THE VOID WITH POTTERMORE!! XD *ahem* Sorry about that ...

Right now I am attempting to do some Art, which is due in on Monday. :-P I'm no where near done ... Goodbye sleep, I knew thee well ...

Whilst doing my Art I have been listening to a combination of Toby Turner and Spyro video game music! XD Both are so epic!! XD I was listening to 'High School Thoughts About College', which is amazing (go listen, I command you), and I am now listening to the 'Summer Forest' theme from Spyro 2: Gateway to Glimmer!! XD It is so pretty!! :-D And it really helps me concentrate! :-D Go listen! You will love it!! XD

One last thing; I have just been offered and interview at the Winchester School of Art, which is part of the University of Southampton!!! XD I can't quite believe it! XD I am excited, but so nervous! :-P I have also been given an interview at the University of Chichester! XP I have applied to do a Fine Art Course at five Universities, just so you know. XD

Oh yeah, and I am the Cow-Naming Champion of 2011!!! XD YES! XD I AM A GOD!! XD A GOD OF COW NAMING!! XD My friend sent a few people, including me, this cow doing different funny things and asked us to suggest names. We were allowed three names each, and I picked Sandra, Mildred and Heather. My first suggestion, when I didn't realise it was a competition, was Moo Moo Cow, but that was discounted. XD So, yes, my friend decided that my suggestion of Mildred was the best!! :-D Heck yeah!! XD

Okay, so I started writing this ages ago, but never finished it, so I have now had my interview at the Winchester School of Art! It went sort of all right, it was a bit weird because it wasn't really formal. :-P The woman looked at my Art, asked me a bunch of questions about it and then we left. She didn't ask about anything I had talked about in my Personal Statement and thought I was doing a Foundation Degree when I am really doing A Levels. :-P Bit concerning, but I'm sure it was fine!

They say they will tell you if you have a place within three days, so by Friday I will know! D-: Rather stressful, but it's fine. :-P

Okay, it is now Friday (that was quick!) and I still haven't heard from the Winchester School of Art. :-L I guess they never formally told me they would get back to me by Friday, I just read it somewhere on their website. :-P

I am sorry this blog has been so long, but I did have a lot to say. XP I also cannot be bothered to check through it all for mistakes, so I'm sorry if most of it doesn't make any sense. XP

Right, that's about it for now,
I thank you,

Love Sarah <3 xx

Just like Rachel...

I had a scawy dweam! D-: But it was actually amazing and at the time I didn't think it was scary at all. XD

Okay I can't really remember how it started, but the main point is my college was invaded by zombies. XD Except it wasn't actually my college, it was just some random building that in the dream was my college. :-P

In the dream was me, Miley Cyrus, Weronica (from real life college), Eve (a girl from my Junior School) and another random person I think. :-P I can't imagine why I had such a strange group of people in the dream, but that's dreams for ya! XD

I can remember little things that happened, but most of it was us running from the zombies. XD There was a bit where Miley was caught by a zombie, which bit into her neck and turned her into a zombie. :-P Blood started to drip from her mouth, her eyes turned red and her skin when pale. D-: It was scary because in the dream she was like inches from my face ... and growling at me.
:-P It's all right though, we ran away and didn't get caught by Zombie Miley. XD

I also remember a bit where we were standing in a corridor and only one of the lights was working, so we were standing beneath it, unable to see anything beyond our circle of light. We were standing in a circle facing outwards so we could see in every direction, when from one end of the corridor we could see a black shape, a silhouette of a person, approaching, sort of shuffling towards us as though it was carrying too many bags of shopping. XD We though it might be another person, but they moved into our circle of light and we saw it was actually a zombie version of Professor McGonagall, of course. XD It was terrifying though because she was a sort of green colour with loads of veins visible on her face, looking completely gormless. :-P I don't remember what happened after that. :-P The next and last thing I remember is us standing at the top of a large, white, spiral staircase. XD I think that was when Dad woke me up. XD

So, yeah, it was a bit scary, but it was amazing at the same time. XD I think I must have dreamed about zombies because I watched Tobuscus' Dead Island Literal Trailer that evening. XD It was really sad and scary, but it was amazing! XD Go watch it!!! XD You'll notice a bunch of similarities. XD

Ahhh, right now I am attempting to transcribe another interview for my English Coursework. D-: I have already transcribed Toby Turner's interview from some Sandhandle thing, but my teacher reminded me we were supposed to be analysing male and female interaction, and my interview was with two males, so it was completely wrong. -.- I spent like two freakin' weeks doing that transcript as well! D-: My teacher has said I now have to transcribe something else to make up for the uselessness of the first transcript, so I am currently transcribing the interview bit of 'Hot Tron Interview' from Like Totally Awesome, and I am about to transcribe some bits of 'Driver: San Francisco | E3 '11 with Tobuscus [Europe]'. :-P Go watch them both, they are funny!! XD They also both feature Toby; yet another good reason to go watch them!! XD

Okay, I'm gunna go do the transcripts considering they are supposed to be done by Monday, when I am not in college because of the Art trip XD,

I thank you,

Love Sarah <3 xx

The Natural History Museum

Yesterday I went to the Natural History Museum! :-D It was really fun so I thought I would share my experience with all you lovely people! :-D

So, I awoke at 5:30 and dragged myself about, attempting to get ready, and went on my laptop to charge my iPod up completely ... and watch Tobuscus. XP Then I left at 7:15 and began my journey to the train station. :-)

Then I finally got on the train at 8:00, rush hour. -.- It was quite busy but not too bad. :-P At least I got a seat! :-)

After 20 minutes I arrived at the station and walked to college. :-) Unfortunately, I walked up the wrong road, got very confused and lost, ended up going a really long way, and turned up late. -.- I quick marched most of the way, and when I did arrive I was so worn out I could hardly say 'hello' to Jessy. :-P Annoyingly, it didn't matter that I was late, so all my worry had been for nothing. -.-

At about 8:50 we boarded the coach ready to leave at 9:00. :-)

We drove and drove and drove until we reached Fleet Services, where we stopped for 20 minutes. :-) Jessy, her friend Chi and I went to Waitrose, where they had the widest range of sandwiches I have ever seen, :3, and then sat in KFC to eat. :-) Then we tootled off back to the coach. :-)

Then we drove and drove and drove some more until we reached London!! XD

It was so amazing!! :-D We were really high up and there were loads of giant buildings everywhere. :-D It was so cool! XD Then we went along a bit further until we got to another part of London where some houses were. :-) Then we saw some shops and this amazing advert for Super Mario 3D Land, which was literally 3D!! XD It had a giant 3D Nintendo 3DS as well, which was awesome!! XD We all sat there gawking at its majesty for ages while we sat in traffic. :3

Then we drove on through London, past Earls Court where I went to MPH 08 and saw Top Gear Live. :3 Then we got to Harrods ... Just wow ... It was so amazing! XD It had been decorated for Christmas, and just wow ... again :3 ...There were these huge bushes all along the shop with twinkling lights in them and each window was beautifully decorated with white trees and mannequins and all sorts :-) It was so lovely :-D

Then after driving for a bit longer we went past the Victoria and Albert Museum and the Natural History Museum!! :-D It was so exciting!! :-D I felt compelled to tell Rachel of course :3 I thought we were going to both, but it transpired we were only going to the Natural History Museum. :-P I really like the V&A so I was pretty sad, but it's fine. XD

We drove a bit further until we reached the car park. :-) After a short health and constant interfering safety chat we were ready to venture off into London!! :-D :-D I jumped of the coach (literally) first and hopped about waiting for everyone from Graphics to get off. :-D You see, the trip was actually for the Textiles students to go to Kensington Palace, but our Graphics teacher had decided to use this opportunity to take us the the Natural History Museum, the place he wants us to use for out promotion assignment. :-D

Right, where was I ... oh, yes, so I was hopping about waiting for the rest of the Graphics people, and then when we were all off the coach our teacher told us we would be "walking a mile that way to the Natural History Museum" :-P Ack, walking! D-: But this was good walking; we were walking through LONDON!! XD I was very excited.

So we set off, out of the car park and left and then left again down a massive road where a lot the embassies are. :-D This was very amazing as all the building were huge, naturally, and we had fun finding out which country each building was for. :-) Ryan managed to convince me that the largest building was the American embassy, but it then transpired that he didn't really know and the building was actually apartments. :3

We reached the end of the road and then carried on to the Museum. :-) When we started approaching we were told to take photographs of the outside, so I now have a bunch of photographs of the Natural History Museum covered by trees. :3

I do have some decent ones as well. :-)

Then we had a chat about when we would meet and stuff, and went in. :-)

Oh. My. Rowling. It was amazing!! :-D The first room was huge, and had a enormous dinosaur skeleton in the middle! :-D It was so fabulos!! XD

My friend grabbed a map, that she should have paid for, and we headed towards the dinosaur exhibition! :-D Wow, it was briilliant!! XD It was all so interesting! :-D

As we walked through we got to a part where loads of people were standing in line waiting for something, but we couldn't see what. :-P We waited for a while and the rounded the corner to see what everyone had been waiting for. :3 Wow, it completely took my by surprise! XD It was so scary! XD They had this ginormous animatronic T-Rex!! XD It was amazing, and so realistic!! XD We came in from behind and even that scared me! XD

Then we wandered about a bit more until we decided to go to the café. :-) I brought myself an apple and my friend brought a biscuit, but apparently it wasn't very nice, so she didn't eat most of it which was a shame :-P

Then we moved on to another zone. :-) We saw a whole variety of things, it was all so interesting!! :-D

As we were leaving one zone we bumped into our teacher who told us about 'The Pod' he had just been to and suggested we go there, so we did, and also suggested we go to Human Biology, but we never did. :-P He showed me this hilarious picture in this book he had brought which showed the human body in proportion to the amount of the brain we use to control each part, so it had a giant head with big lips and ears, and giant hands. XD It was really funny! XD

We took his advice and went to the Darwin Centre which contained 'The Pod'. :-D We found two other people from our class and went in with them. :-) To get into 'The Pod' you had to ascend in the elevator to the top floor, and then walk down 'The Pod' until you reach the end where you take the lift back down one more floor, to the exit. :-D

I though 'The Pod' was really interesting and contained loads of really pretty specimens, but the others didn't so we power-walked through. :-P

Then we walked onward and found the rest of our group, besides our teacher, and went off together into a room which contained Art of the Natural World. :-D This room was especially nice as I study Art, as you may know, so it was nice to see some art work. :-D We stayed in this room for ages, messing about, until we left and bumped into our teacher. We still had quite a while left, and because one of the people hadn't seen the giant blue whale, our teacher suggested we go and show him.

So we went back to a room we had already been to, which I haven't told you about, which contained loads of life size animals. :-D

It was really cool, and after showing the person who hadn't seen the room we moved onto somewhere we hadn't been yet.

We found a room in this zone which looked pretty boring on the outside, but when we walked in there was a giant squid hanging from the ceiling! XD It was so huge, and Ryan immediately decided it was his favourite part of the museum. XD

We messed about for a bit because we were the only people in the room, until we left to go to the café, where we stayed until we met back with our teacher to leave.

I thought the museum was really interesting and fun, but everyone else could only muster an 'alright' when asked what they thought. :-P

Some other stuff I forgot to mention: We went into a room where the floor moved back and forth to mimic an earthquake, which was hilarious, and we went into a room which contained a huge, iron model of the Earth, which you entered by ascending and escalator, which was awesome! XD

Yes, so after we met with our teacher we walked back to the coach, back along 'Embassy Road of Destiny', as Ryan called it, and arrived back really early, before everyone else. :-) We waited for the Textiles students to return, and when they did a register was taken that revealed a few people had not returned. :-/ We waited a while and then found two girls had got lost in Hyde Park :-/ We waited for an HOUR while our Art teacher and the coach driver went to look for them. :-/ This meant rather than leaving at 3:30, we left at 4:30, which added an extra HOUR AND A HALF to our journey -.- This meant I missed the train I was hoping to get, and the one after that, so the next train I could get home left at 8:00 -.- This annoyed me, as it meant I would have got home at 9:00, but I called my Dad and found he was able to pick me up from college. :-D I had already walked to the train station though, and then had to walk back to college as Dad didn't know where the station was, but it was fine ... think how much exercise I got!! XD

So I got a lift home, yay, and thus concluded my trip to the Natural History Museum! XD All in all, it was a pretty awesome day out, and I am now even more excited to go to the Tate Modern with my Art class! XD

Yes, we are going to the Tate Modern, in London, on December 5th!! XD It is going to be so amazing because we are doing a workshop with someone from the Tate!! XD I cannot wait!! XD I will no doubt blog about the trip, so you have that to look forward to! XD

Aha, I just read Rachel's Blog and she mentioned how I am "such a loyal Tobuscus fan [I'm] doing [my] English project on him, how lol is that". XD It's true, I am doing my English project on him, I am addicted! XD Freakin' love Toby Turner! :3

Now, one last thing ... I HAVE A CAR!! XD OH, YES!! XD My Mum gave it to me! XD You see, her car broke and she had to buy this Rover, which I now own, to get her about until she got a new car, and when she was done with it she gave it to me! XD I'm so happy and I cannot wait to start driving!! XD I'm doing a week intensive course in the summer holidays ready for University. :-D So excited!! XD

That's about it for now,
I thank you,

Love Sarah <3 xx

My Childhood

Wow, I really need to blog more often! :-P

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about my childhood, and after reading Louise's blog, I want to write about it. :-) (Did you see how I managed to link to her blog just then? :-) I am a genius! XD)

I remember my childhood rather well, actually; I still remember most of the places I used to go, the television programmes I use to watch, the books I used to read...

You probably don't know, but I grew up in Harpenden, until I was 5, when we moved to where we are now. I can still remember the playgroup I used to go to and hated, and I can still remember the day my Mum came along with me and I avoided her the whole day believing that was what I was supposed to do. I even still vaguely remember our house, which to me was a vast space solely for me to make a mess in with my toys. I can remember playing in one part of the living room with one toy and then getting bored, leaving the toy where it was and moving to another space in the room. :-P However, this may have just been a dream because I don't remember it from my perspective, but from that of someone standing in the doorway. :-P

I do, however, distinctly remember the day we first went to our new home where we are now. I can remember standing in the kitchen overwhelmed by the new house, thanking my Dad over and over for finding somewhere so nice. :-) (You see, my Dad had travelled down beforehand to find a house, so I, and perhaps my Mum, hadn't seen the house at all until this point. :-))

It's strange though, I can't really remember Harpenden itself that much, but I can remember St. Albans, where one of my Nannies lives, and other places where family lived. I can distinctly remember the shopping centre in St. Albans, The Galleria, which at the time, to me, was known as The Boarding, for reasons I can't really remember. Most people I ask about it have strong recollections of me always referring to it as The Boarding rather than its real name. The only reason I can think of why I called it that was the fact at one point they had an indoor play area in which they had some squishy platforms you would climb up, and from that I developed The Boarding, as the platforms were sort of boards, I guess. I'm not sure. :-P

Some pretty memorable things happened at The Boarding. XD The funniest was when my Nannie, who always used to take me to The Boarding, picked me up because I was making a fuss or something, and I stared screaming "PUT ME DOWN!! PUT ME DOWN!!", kicking and all that jazz, but this group of foreign people standing near us though this crazy woman was trying to abduct me, and were about to try and stop her when I finally screamed, after a few minutes, "NANNIE!! PUT ME DOWN!!" at which point they realised it wasn't abduction at all, but a misbehaving child. XD That made me laugh when Nannie told me about it when I was older; it must have been so embarrassing. XD

I can also distinctly remember most the books I used to read and the programmes I used to watch. :-) I used to read a LOT of books when I was little; right now in the garage there LOADS of books from my childhood hidden away, and a few in my room I used for a Graphics project at school. :-) I can remember a book about the seasons, one about a teddy bear who had a red balloon, one that taught me my first few words of French to do with the farmyard, one to help you go to sleep, and my favourite, a Jolly Pocket Postman book where he bumps his head and stuff. :-D I used to read these books time and time again. :-) I can also remember the first time I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. :-D It was 2001 or 2002, so I was about 7 or 8, and someone had just got two sets of the first four Harry Potter books for Christmas, but they weren't too interested in reading them, so instead my Mum and I started reading them. :-) Each night we would read a chapter; the first chapter my Mum read to me, the second chapter I read to her, the third chapter she read to me, and then so on. We got to the point eventually where I started reading all the chapters to Mum, and then I started just reading to myself, and then when we got to the Prisoner of Azkaban Mum stopped reading the books altogether. :-L She never did catch onto Harry Potter, which is a shame. :-L

I always did like reading. In school whenever a teacher asked someone to read aloud, I would always have my hand up. :-) I can remember reading aloud one time in English, and speaking so fast the only way the teacher could get me to stop and let someone else have a go was to wait until I drew breath and quickly stop me. XD

I can also remember most, if not all, the programmes I used to watch as a child. :-) I used to watch all the regular shows for children, like Tots TV, Rosie and Jim, the Teletubbies and stuff, but I also used to watch other things like Blankety Blank. XD I didn't use to just watch Blankety Blank because my parents would watch it or something though, I was completely intrigued by it. This strange, flamboyantly dressed woman walking about making the audience laugh every few seconds, asking questions I never understood, I though it was brilliant. XD Yeah, I had a starnge childhood, growing up with Lily Savage. XD

It wasn't until I was quite a bit older I found out this woman wasn't actually a woman, but a man. XP I couldn't believe it. I can remember seeing Paul O'Grady somewhere and my Mum saying something like "Hey, look, it's Lily Savage" and me being like "What? Are you blind? That's not Lily Savage!" and then being told the truth about the matter. XD

It was like the time I found out Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus were the same person. XD

By the way, I am currently listening to "There's a Floppy Disk on the Floor" by Tobuscus!! XD I am so addicted! XD I am also trying to play Minecraft because Toby played it! XD

That's about it for now,
I thank you,

Love Sarah <3 xx

Blaaaaa...

What to blog about …

Hmmmm …

Come now, brain! You must have some ideas …

…

Never mind … -.-

Well, on Friday I went to my friend's house for her birthday party sleepover. :-D It was really fun!! :-D We ate a bunch of food, they did some awesome fireworks, we ate a bunch more food and then ate a bunch of food. XD Aha! XD It was really hilarious though! XD

The next day, Saturday, we woke up at like 10 o'clock. XD And then had breakfast and some more chocolate. XD I had Wheatabix. XD If that's how you spell it. :-P Which it isn't, but Google Chrome doesn't know either, so I'm not the only one. XD Then my friend and I walked back home. :-D

So, I just got back, and immediately went on my computer to watch some more of Toby Turner's Amnesia: The Dark Decent Let's Play. XD It was scary and hilarious! XD Yep, Rachel has succeeded in making me one of her minions. XD I am addicted to Tobuscus, TobyTurner and TobyGames, I listen to Die Antwoord and can sing Bloodhound Group. XP *Sings* The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. XD

Oh, yeah, and I am currently listening to the 10 hour loop of Nugget in a Biscuit! XD WIN!! XD I'm on 18 minutes and 46 seconds. XD I have a long way to go … XP

Oh my Rowling, and in the evening on Saturday, the school which I live next to did this amazing display of fireworks!! XD It was really brilliant!! :-D We watched it from our back garden so we didn't have to pay to get in. :-P I feel bad about it, but I'm sure they made enough money from it because LOADS of people turned up. :-)

Ack, but I realise I have work to do and my room to clean, so I should probably go do that now -.- … Right after I finish watching the last Amnesia video. XD I'm so close to the end! I don't know if I should be excited or scared. :-P Probably both. XD

Okay, now I am done. :-D It was actually a really good series! XD It was really funny and scary and interesting! XD I was right to be excited and scared! XP

YES!

Okay, I'm gonna go now. Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this blog post, bless you. Peace off. Ba da, do do do do do do do do do, subscribe (to my blog). Outro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness, then … Boooooooooooop.

Love Sarah <3 xxx

(Oh my goodness, my phone just vibrated, but it was sitting on top of an uneven surface so it made a really weird sound, which scared me. XP I watch too much Amnesia. XD)

My Half-Term

I'm not going to lie, my half-term has been pretty cool so far. :-) Let's go back a week and a half ago...

Me and my Mum were shopping to buy my wedding outfit, and we were in Gosport Town Centre as opposed to our normal town centre because we were bored of always going to the same place. So we were just walking along when Mum points out someone has misspelt “paint” on a giant sign proclaiming there is “wet paint”. Obviously I have to look, and thus, walk straight into a post … It wasn't painful or anything, but it did shock me … My Mum and I started to laugh for ages, along with a random man walking towards us, who was really obviously laughing at me, and then carried on our merry way. :-) (That wasn't the cool bit, it was just funny XD)

As we had gone shopping on a Sunday, not many shops were open … In fact, all of the shops we wanted to go to were shut, so we decided to tootle off to Gunwarf Quays instead. :-) I always like going to Gunwarf, its really nice and fun, so I was all happy happy. :-D

We parked our car in the green area, after being very amazed at the clever parking system they have where there is a sensor for each space so they can tell you exactly how many spaces there are in each section. :-D We thought it was amazing and also got a laugh when two people drove into an area where only one space was free, ha ha! XD Okay, maybe that was lame, but still. :-P

So, having parked our car we walked up to find a clothes shop, which happened to be Next Clearance. We looked around and found approximately seven dressed I liked. We then went in search of changing rooms, only to be told they had none. :-L I was then forced to try on the dresses over the clothes I was already wearing. :-P This looked really awkward and none of the dresses even fitted. :-O

So, we left Next and when to a nice looking clothes shop opposite called Yumi. :-) We found a pretty, grey, beaded waistcoat there and then were left with the task of finding something to go with it. As both my Mum and I are terrible with fashion we asked the shop assistant what she though and were informed a cream or pink dress would be nice. :-) She described one particular dress to us and said we could find it almost anywhere, but not here, so we walked back to Next.

We asked a Next shop assistant if she could help us find a dress to go with the waist coat, and she picked out several baggy, rather hideous dresses, which I tried on nevertheless. When she had wandered off for a moment I picked out another dress I had seen, tried it on and found it looked smashing with the waistcoat :-D Thanks Next shop assistant, but it would seem I am better at finding nice clothes than you. :-D It did have quite a few tears and stains however, so we asked if she could find us another of the same size from The Back. :-D She returned, I tried on the dress one last time with the shoes I wanted to wear, and then we went off to buy it. :-D

And, lo, we had a complete wedding outfit for me!! XD

The last thing on our to-do list was buy a dress for my Mum as well, so we picked out a few, tried them all on and decided to buy the blue one. :-D It was a really nice dress, and what made it even nicer was the fact it was a Tommy Hilfiger dress. :-D Oh, yes XD

With our two new wedding outfits we wandered down to the water where the restaurants are. :-) We spotted one called the Waterfront Café, or something, which looked particularly nice. :-) We stood in line for ages, and finally ordered two sandwiches, two slices of cake, and two hot chocolates. :-D

They were all very nice and when we were done we wandered a bit more and then made our way back to the car. :-)

So, yeah, that was our day out to get this wedding outfit:

Yeah, it was actually taken after the wedding when we got back to the hotel room, so that's why I look pretty awful and why the room is really strange XD (And, by the way, sitting behind me on the table is my Stephen Fry book XD Oh, yeah XD)

Jump to a week later. :-)

On Friday, we drove up to our hotel at Toddington Services. :-) It didn't take too long to get there, but we did get very confused. :-P We though it was just behind some shops or something, but no, it was really on the other side of the motor way, so after almost driving into a lorry and going the wrong way, we finally made it to the hotel. -.- XD

The only redeeming factor the room had was the fact it was clean. -.- There was one double bed, one sofa bed, and a bathroom. -.- The hotel didn't have a café or anything so every morning my Mum and my Brother had to walk to the Marks and Spencer's to get some milk for breakfast. Apart from that, our stay in the hotel wasn't terribly bad. :-)

The next day, Saturday, we went to the Wedding. :-) We arrived early and found quite a few other people had also arrived early, including my Uncle, the groom. :-) We said “Hello!” to everyone and then started taking some pictures of them in their lovely outfits. :-)

After a while we went through for the vows, and then outside for some “proper” photos. :-) The crazy photographer asked us all to say “crocodile” to make us smile, which was strange, and I can't help but think we all looked really stupid :-P

Then we went back inside for the meal. :-) Mum had said I would have a children's meal, which was silly, so I had fish gougeons and chips. :-P Not too bad, but the adults got proper, battered fish, so I wasn't happy. :-( Then pudding came, which, for me and my Brother, was strawberry ice cream, which we hate, so we asked if we could have something else. :-) They gave us chocolate sorbet, which was nice, but my brother didn't like it. :-( As a result, my three year old cousin, who was sat next to me, had it instead, and whilst I wasn't looking, he literally got it everywhere. :-P All down his fancy jacket, all over the table and all over himself. :-P

Then we sat and chatted for a bit, until news came that a fire had broken out in the woods not far from the hotel we were at! :-O There was no danger of it reaching us, but the fire fighters who came to extinguish it had to park at the hotel to get to it. :-P This was pretty funny, and also provided another photo opportunity. :-P

We then went back inside for the cake, of which I had none because they never offered my any chocolate or fruit cake, only sponge cake. -.- How dare they!! D-: We then forgot to take some home as well. :-(

After that we were asked to leave and went back to the first room, which was now called the music room, to have drinks. :-) I didn't have one, so just stood about awkwardly, and then sat about awkwardly, until everyone started to leave.

Oh yeah, and I also saw the room where the bride and groom were staying that night. :-) It was really nice and massive. :-D They even had a sauna!! :-D

At they end everyone went home and we went back to our Nannie's house for a while, and then went back to the hotel. :-)

The next day was spent with our other Nannie and our Dad, who had driven up as well. :-) We had a nice time; it was very peaceful, unlike the day before. XD

On Monday, I was given the opportunity to go to a farm, but not wanting to do this I decided to spend the day with my Nannie instead. :-) We had a nice day, going shopping, having lunch and then chatting until I was picked up to go to the other Nannie's house. :-)

At Nannie's house we had dinner and then chatted for a bit until we had to return to our hotel room.

The next day we had to drive back, :-(, and we got lost. D-: We had to get the Sat Nav out in the end, which we really should have done before we even set off, and then the Sat Nav started to confuse itself and didn't tell us to come off the motorway, so we went the wrong way again. :-( Eventually, we did get ourselves home, hooray! :-D

We stayed round Mum's house for a bit until Dad picked us up, and when I got home my Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Game Boy Advance game had arrived!! XD Yaaaaayyyy!! XD I played it for a bit, whilst attempting to cook dinner, and it was really fun, :-D, despite the fact Harry was bad at jumping and instead of landing on platforms would throw himself into oblivion. -.-

So, yes, that was what I did during the first half my half-term. :-D

I also went to a Movie Day at Rachel's house on Thursday, which was really fun!! XD The film we watched was pretty scary, but apart from that it was hilarious!! XD I am also very glad Lewis came to meet me at the train station, otherwise I would have got completely lost. :-P XD

So, yeah, thank you guys! XD Love you all! :-D

That's about it for now (wow, what a long blog! :-O),

I thank you.

Love Sarah <3 xx